Letter to a Would-Be President

Dear Mr. Barack H. Obama,

Hello! How have you been lately? I've seen you in the news and I just wanted to let you know some of the things I respect about you.

You have a very unique talent, Mr. Senator. Every time I see you on the news, you have a profound effect on me. You have the amazing ability to turn this happy teenage girl into a spitting, rabid, murderous, remote-throwing monster in a matter of seconds! What's more is you don't even have to open your mouth!... Mostly because I already know what you are going to say. I heard somewhere once that if you repeat something enough, people will start to believe it. Now that I know it works, I'm going to keep telling my best friends that my natural hair color is purple. I've always loved purple.
Your followers are very loyal to you. I heard reports that people were actually fainting at your speeches! It must take a lot of work to be the shepherd of that many people. A lot of world leaders seem to really like you, too. President Ahmadinijad of Iran would probably invite you to visit him in Iraq. It's always nice to travel to new places.

Oh, and congratulations on being voted the most Liberal Senator of 2007! That makes twice you've had to really fight Hillary for a title. It must have taken a lot of effort to make yourself more elligible for the award than a Clinton. I bet you had to preen your voting record for years to manage it. Your record redefines true blue!

I wish you well in the Presidential election come November! I have just one suggestion for helping you win--- if you're basing your victory on my generation's votes, you might want to hand out alarm clocks instead of t-shirts and buttons at your rallies. That way they might remember to go to the polls instead of the mall.

Best wishes,
A Texas Maverick

*DISCLAIMER: this was NOT intended as a personal attack on Mr. Obama. Rather, it is a satirical overview of his political liberalism